Outtype, Outwatch, Outblog-A Reality TV Weblog

2003-12-02T12:18:00.000-05:00

Wanted: Good Ideas

You may have noticed that lately all I seem to be talking about is Survivor: Pearl Islands. If you're wondering why, the answer is very simple. There's nothing else of value in the reality TV genre right now.

The only new reality TV shows that seem to be popping up are lame or rediculously stupid "dating" or "finding the perfect person" shows. For instance, NBC is looking for a few good lonely losers to put themselves on national television and take an Adventure in Love. Next week they'll be showing the season finale of Average Joe. And I thought internet dating was the ultimate pathetic last resort.

If anyone at a network is reading right now, the reason I'm taking a verbal dump on your dating shows is because they all suck. I couldn't care less if Trista and Ryan or whatever these losers are called live happily ever after and I most certainly don't want to see their Strawberry Shortcake wedding on TV. Heck, I'm a Cast Member and I'm willing to call Eisner on that one (but that's another rant entirely). I don't care if some cowboy can fool 25 European women into thinking he's a millionaire. Nobody's shocked with that one - why do you think we make fun of the French and the Polish? And I definitely don't care if some idiot is willing to take a woman he's known for two weeks over a check for a million dollars. As a matter of fact, anybody who does that because he's "found true love" ought to be shot.

Bottom line, if you want me and most other people who watch reality TV to shut up about Survivor, then create the next one. Even the next Mole or Big Brother would do. But if I wanted to see a dumb guy with muscles shack up with a dumb girl with nice breasts, I'd rent a porno - that way at least the music would be entertaining.

2003-12-02T11:41:00.000-05:00

A Calculated Move, a Pathetic Pity-play

"Johnny Fairplay" Dalton absolutely blows my mind. Surprise, surprise, Jon managed to somehow pull off the lowest possible lie in the history of television in order to make a power play. I'm all for backstabbing, but faking your grandmother's death is beyond reprehensible. Even Jon himself stated in his confessional, "...the fake dead grandmother will probably go down as the worst thing ever done in this game." I'm betting at least one castaway and perhaps even Jeff Probst will take a swing at Jon during the reunion show. Let's hope they connect.

On the other hand, Sandra made two great moves. The first was when she threw out the bucket of fish. Discarding the fish served two purposes for Sandra's survival. One was that she was able to get away without being blamed. The other was sweet revenge for the former Morgan tribe, Jon and Burton voting off Rupert. Sandra herself said it best when she told the camera, "...there was NO WAY I was gonna let them enjoy Rupert's fish that he caught."

Sandra's second brilliant play was inviting Tijuana to go with her and evesdrop on Jon and Burton. When Tijuana discovered their true intentions, it prompted her to convince Darrah to realign themselves with Christa and Sandra. After Jon found out, it left her with three very appealing options. Option one, of course, was to get rid of Burton as originally planned. Option two was to get rid of Jon (sadly for the viewing audience, this option was never explored). The third and final option was to go with Jon and boot off Tijuana, forcing Darrah into an alliance with Christa and Sandra. I was a bit sad (and frankly shocked) to see Sandra and Christa go with option three, but it may leave them in a better position. With Darrah having voted for Burton, she has no choice but to be in an alliance with Christa and Sandra, leaving the alliances all even at three castaways apiece. In addition, it looks like Burton might accidentally show Lillian his true colors next episode. If I had to guess, I'd say Burton needs an immunity more now than ever.

2003-11-25T15:00:00.000-05:00

Help Me Reality Fans!

As previously reported, CBS will be airing a special all-star edition of Survivor. However, I fear the best players won't make it. I believe that Rupert from Pearl Islands and Christy from Amazon won't get a bid. The nice guys may not win, but they should get to play again. Let's write letters to CBS to fix this!

2003-11-25T14:52:00.000-05:00

Blackbeard Walks the Plank-a Sad Day for Survivor Fans

Last week, Rupert "Blackbeard" Boneham was booted from Survivor: Pearl Islands. America's favorite pirate has now been booted from the show.

Rupert was obviously upset in his goodbye speech, mad about having trusted Jon and Burton. He also apparently wants nothing to do with the semi-fame that appearing on national TV brings. He's declined CBS's "media machine" for Survivor losers, and has not appeared on the Early Show or Dave Letterman. The quality of the show will likely go way down without Rupert.

2003-11-18T14:30:00.000-05:00

New Letters

Once again, I do it not only because I can, but because a solitary soul enjoys it. Here comes a third batch of reality TV dictionary letters.

G

game: see challenge

Golden Power of Veto: (n) prize in Big Brother allowing the bearer to save one houseguest who has been nominated for eviction. The Golden Power of Veto grants the bearer immunity from being nominated, or the power to remove himself from the nominations if already nominated for eviction.

H

Head of Household: (n) the ultimate position of power in the Big Brother house. The Head of Household gets immunity from nominations, his own bedroom, a special delivery from home, and the power to nominate two houseguests for eviction. Usually, the Head of Household gets to eat whether or not the house has succeeded in the food competitions.

HOH: (colloq. n) shortened form of Head of Household

houseguest: (n) contestant on Big Brother

I

idol: 1. (n) contestant on American Idol 2. (n) trophy signifying immunity for one tribe on Survivor

immunity: 1. (n) intangible prize given to a team or individual that allows them safety from being removed from the game. Individual immunity can sometimes be transferred to another player at the winner's discretion on Survivor. 2. (v) the act of being immune from elimination

J

Jaburu: (n) original, yellow-clad tribe from Survivor: Amazon. The tribe started as an all-female tribe and played against the blue-clad Tambaqui tribe.

Jacare: (n) merged, red-clad tribe from Survivor: Amazon

2003-11-18T13:19:00.000-05:00

Reality TV Seems Drained, Though Pirate Culture Still Interesting

Arrggghh! Welcome aboard the S.S. Reality TV. I'm doin' me post this time as a pirate. Why, you ask? 'Cause I can, me mateys, 'cause I can. Plus, two of the most popular things we have goin' on in the worlds of TV and movies center around pirates; we have Disney's Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl comin' out soon on DVD, and of course we've got Survivor: Pearl Islands captivatin' CBS audiences on Thursday nights. And I ain't ready to buck the trend, ye scurvy dogs!

Me thinks the pirate culture helped this series of Survivor out a wee bit. After all, what little lad doesn't dream of pillagin' and lootin' at some point in his lifetime? Pearl Islands integrated the pirate culture with the reality TV craze that much of America was already attached to. The whole piratin' business is attractive to TV audiences, 'cause outside Adventureland or the movie theater, ye don't really see much pirate-themed entertainment these days.

Another thing holdin' the ship together for CBS is Rupert "Blackbeard" Boneham, possibly the best-liked Survivor castaway of the entire franchise. CBS knew they had a treasure in Rupert, and me thinks that Mark Burnett, captain of Survivor's ship, might've made a bit of a rule change on the spot when he thought Rupert might be headed to Davy Jones's Locker. The Morgan tribe's "kidnapping" of Rupert most likely was planned on the spot after Burnett reviewed tape of the Drake tribe plotting to throw a challenge.

However, it's lookin' to me like Rupert might be walkin' the plank pretty soon. The wenches of the newly-merged Balboa tribe look to be plottin' with that scurvy dog Burton, who re-entered the game about a fortnight back. The commercials seem to suggest that former Drake tribe traitor Jon might draw Lillian, the other player who re-entered the game, away from the movement to eliminate Rupert. We'll just have to see how it goes, though.

Sadly, me thinks Survivor is the only reality series that hasn't taken a cannonball to the ship. There are no other major American reality series on the airwaves right now. Aye, we do have NBC's Fear Factor on Mondays, but the show has pretty much been exactly the same this whole season. Endemol USA is gonna be needin' to dig a lot deeper if they wanna find some more gold in that franchise.

2003-11-04T12:31:00.000-05:00

A "Q & J" With Survivor: Thailand Castaway Jan Gentry

On Sept. 15, former Survivor: Thailand castaway Jan Gentry was kind enough to give me a phone interview. She had a lot to say about her experience during the competition and since it has ended, and about the Pearl Islands cast.

Q: Do you still watch Survivor?

Jan: Absolutely

Q: What do you think of this year's cast?

J: I think it's great! I think it's like a culmination of Survivor and "Amazing Race," and I thought the first episode was really good.

Q: When you were in Thailand, I know it was difficult. Was it fun as well, or was it more like, "this is torture, give me my check and I want to go home!"?

J: (Laughs) I didn't even think about the check. All we knew going into it was that the winner got a million [dollars] and then right at the end, I think they said the first one voted off got $2,500 so I was not even aware [of how much I would get]. The money was not an issue for me. I was there for the challenge and the competition and I wanted to see how far I could go, maybe slide in the back door and maybe win. But it was awesome. It was hard, absolutely, but to go and forge a way of life, to meld with people you've never met and never seen in an environment like that was just an unbelievable adventure.

Q: I know when you got to Thailand, you and Jake from the other tribe were the ones to select tribe members. Did it shock you when they told you that?

J: I was horrified! (laughs) My idea was to be in the background, be underneath all the bullets and all of a sudden I was pulled to the forefront. Probably because of my age, I wanted to come out hiding in the groves and all of a sudden I was in the forefront. But that's what Mark [Burnett, producer of Survivor] does. He's a master of change. You're playing his game and you've got to play it his way. But it worked out fine.

Q: Speaking of Mark Burnett, I know he's doing an all-star edition. Were you ever approached to be a part of that?

J: We can't say. (laughs)

Q: I know when you were on the show, you buried the little baby bat, and when it aired I think some of the people thought, "man, that's a little freaky." Were you afraid that people might stereotype you that way when it came on TV?

J: You don't know how they're going to edit you. You have to realize that there's so much down time, and I just happened to see the little fetus of the bat. There are people taping you 24 hours a day. I really did not mean to have a little pet cemetary, I just thought, "this thing is already dead, it's going to get crushed and that's kind of gross." So I just thought, "I'll bury it." So I did, and I put down a little cross. You don't really have anything to do when you're not at a challenge. So I just did it, and of course they put it on TV and I ended up doing a chicken too. It was kind of just something to do. It did portray me as kind of a goofball, but they could have portrayed me as something worse. I could've [been portrayed] like Ghandia, and I didn't want to look like that. They portrayed me fine. I am very sensitive and I do love animals.

Q: Do you still keep in touch with anyone from Thailand?

J: Almost every single one. The only one I really haven't kept in touch with, because she hasn't really done any of the fundraisers and stuff with us, is Stephanie. When we all get together, we get together with the past Survivors, and Big Brother and The Mole and it's real fun. But yes, I keep in touch with everybody. We e-mail each other and call each other all the time.

Q: One last question for you - If you had been able to see what Brian was doing, and had known that he was a "porn star", would you have been able to get along with him so well?

J: Yeah. [The fact that he was in porn] had no bearing on anything. I think he played an excellent game, and he definitely "played the game." I wish I had voted for Clay [to win], but Brian played the best game. The reason I say I wish I had voted for Clay is because Clay, after the show, has been involved with a bunch of different fundraisers and goes to a lot of different functions, so he's kind of giving back to the game, which I like. Brian has not done any of that. But I think that Brian played a better game than Clay did.

2003-11-04T01:31:00.000-05:00

Survivor "Shocker," SAS Jungle

So the Survivor: Pearl Islands twist with the "outcasts" wasn't such a surprise. Still, it was a cool new twist in the game. The commercials for the next episode seem to hint at more twists. We'll just have to see.

If I had to venture a guess, I'd have to say Burton and Michelle will be coming back into the game. They're the only ones I think who have the votes from the outcast tribe who can get back into the game. Also, it allows for my previous "colored picture theory" to remain valid. Watch for Burton to come back aboard the Drake tribe, and Michelle to re-enter as a new member of Morgan. Michelle has the potential to team up with Darrah and Tijuana to oust Ryan O. and Andrew. Jon will most assuredly be the next Drake member to leave, probably followed by Christa.

Two people will definitely not be returning - Trish and Nicole. Both made huge, stupid attempts to screw over their tribe and failed miserably.

I saw an interesting show this evening on the Outdoor Life Network called "S.A.S.: Are You Tough Enough?" It shows 24 British men and women who think they are tough enough to become members of the S.A.S., which is like the British equivalent of our Navy Seals. It looks like a fun program, if you're a glutton for punishment.

2003-10-28T11:13:00.000-05:00

Reality TV Dictionary, Part 2

Due to popular demand, I'm adding a few more letters to my little reality TV dictionary. Thanks to Kristen Landreville for the nice comments. Check out her international media blog if you've got the time. Now on with the show.

D

detour: (n) form of route info on The Amazing Race. A detour gives teams two choices, usually between a scary or difficult task that can get them further ahead faster, or a tame or easy task that might put them behind a bit.

Diary Room: (n) room in the Big Brother house where houseguests can go for a bit of privacy to confess to the camera, vote someone out or answer producers' questions. Lies, deceit and plans of action are usually revealed in the Diary Room.

Drake: (n) blue-clad original tribe on Survivor: Pearl Islands. They play against the Morgan tribe.

E

elimination: 1. (v) the act of removing a contestant from a reality game for any reason, whether by votes, poor performance or bad behavior 2. (n) ceremony at which a contestant or team is removed from a game

execution: 1. (v) the act of being removed from The Mole due to poor performance on the Mole Quiz 2. (n) ceremony at which a player on The Mole is executed.

exemption: 1. (v) the act of being exempt from having to take the Mole Quiz on The Mole, giving a contestant a free ride into the next round 2. (n) an intangible award given to a contestant on The Mole, earned or otherwise, that allows him to bypass the Mole Quiz

expel: 1. (v) to remove a houseguest from the Big Brother house, at producers' discretion, for the safety of other houseguests 2. (v) to vote someone off The Wild Rules

F

Fast Forward: 1. (n) task in The Amazing Race which upon completion allows a team to bypass all future tasks during that round and proceed directly to the Pit Stop 2. (n) award earned upon completion of the Fast Forward task which proves a team has earned the right to proceed to the Pit Stop

flag: 1. (n) banner marking a tribal camp on Survivor 2. (n) banner marking route info box on The Amazing Race 3. (n) target of many stunts on Fear Factor. Pulling the Fear Factor flag can stop the clock to end a stunt, or flags can be transferred from one place to another and used to keep score.

food competition: competition on Big Brother which helps houseguests earn food items for the week. Failure in a food competition results in some or all houseguests being forced to eat peanut butter and jelly for the week.

2003-10-28T02:00:00.000-05:00

New Survivor Twist Could Be Best Ever

The "Curse of the Pearl Islands" was to be revealed this Thursday on Survivor: Pearl Islands. Until this weekend, promos for this week's episode showed Jeff Probst telling the castaways that "their past was coming back to haunt them." Now commercials airing on CBS spell out the new twist - former tribe members who were voted off in previous tribal councils will be returning to the game.

Much as I hate to take stock in anything that I read at the best spoiler site available for survivor, they had it nailed from day one. Spies from the "SurvivorSucks.com" website reported before the first episode aired that there was a possibility of a third tribe made up of eliminated castaways. SurvivorSucks spies reported a "black or purple tribe," which they now think may be represented by maroon-colored buffs. They believe the tribe is called "Balboa," and that it will allow someone thought to be doomed to have lost the game to claim the million-dollar prize.

The possibilities are endless with a tribe made up of outcasts. Personally, I think it will go down like this - three tribes battle for one immunity idol. If Drake or Morgan, the tribes still in the game get the idol, then the other two go to tribal council. At that point the tribe of losers (who we'll call Balboa for now, just to make things easier) votes someone out of the game for good, and the other losing tribe votes someone into Balboa.

Assuming Balboa wins immunity, I think all three tribes will go to tribal council. There, one member from Drake and one member from Morgan would be voted into Balboa. Balboa would have to vote one of their own back into the game, and that member would be placed into the opposite tribe than the one he played for.

I can't tell you how it will play out, but I can assure you it will be interesting. If the outcasts can get someone back in, look for Burton to get back into the game. I can just see this ruining many Pearl Islands fantasy teams.

2003-10-21T11:35:00.000-04:00

The Ultimate Reality Show - a Sports Journalism Battle

ESPN is trying its luck in the reality arena again, this time with a format perhaps more suited to its fan base.

Dream Job will be ESPN's equivalent to American Idol, but without having to go through rounds of horrid singers. Talent searches across the nation will narrow the field of potential contestants down to 10 people who will ultimately compete in sports journalism-related tasks, such as interviewing a player they know nothing about after seeing him play one game. The winner gets a one-year contract as an anchor on ESPN's flagship news program, Sportscenter.

As an avid sports fan, an ESPN junkie and a sports journalism hopeful, Dream Job was one show that I had hoped to try out for. After all, spending a year in frigid Bristol, CT to appear on TV at 6:00, 11:00, midnight, 1:00 a.m., 2:00 a.m. and all throughout the morning is not at all a bad prize. Unfortunately for me, however, real life kept me from area auditions in Tampa, Miami and Atlanta. No auditions for me, for I am a dish-washer! I keep the bar safe from dirty glasses, silverware shortages and lack of plates for when the drunks get the munchies. Yes folks, "'The Man' is keepin' me down," as they say.

And yet, my misfortune gives me yet another reality TV idea. As you may or may not know, NBC, Mark Burnett and Donald Trump got together to see who could hack it in the Trump empire. I propose we do the opposite. My show is called "The Grind," and it's going to test your patience, your nerves and your fears of the basic lack of hygiene associated with the restaurant-going public. We'll take some people who've had it pretty easy, or pretty nice, and have never had the misfortune of working a kitchen or running the floor at a bar-and-grille type establishment. Maybe a lawyer, an heir to a fortune, a spoiled rich kid, a student on scholarship, you get the idea. Then we strip them of their pansy-esque, luxurious identities and throw them into the heat of battle. All we have to do is put up a million dollars and we'll have ourselves 50,000 willing contestants. Five bucks says they'll never survive - it'll be like boot camp for wussies.

2003-10-21T02:02:00.000-04:00

MNF and More on Survivor, Simply Because There's Nothing Better

I sat through another episode of Fear Factor tonight. It seems that after three episodes of new ideas and good twists, producers have come short of anything new or different. At least for tonight, they returned to the same old less-than-exciting "stunts" that they've done for three years, and still are only willing to pony up $50,000. Honestly, any moron with $500 in his bank account can order a bucket of cow eyes, hire a helicopter for an hour and get two guys to drive dump trucks side-by-side. Then he'd still have $100 to give as a prize to six other idiots (easily found in five minutes or less on UF campus) who would willingly eat the eyes, hang by a rope from the helicopter and jump from truck to truck while moving.

Note to Endemol USA: take a look at your other reality hit, Big Brother. There's a new wrinkle in the formula every single season, and we shouldn't expect any less for the summer of '04. Better yet, see if you can't get inside the head of Survivor producer Mark Burnett, king of the twist. Survivor: Pearl Islands has already shown us more surprises this season than Fear Factor probably ever will. I'd bet five bucks that you'll see another one again this Thursday night. Look for an early tribal merge this time - Drake is starting to realize that Rupert owns this game, and my feeling is that Morgan's ability to "steal" him was a decision made on the spot by Burnett. While Chief Burnett can fiddle with the tribes all he wants, unfortunately he can't keep ratings machine Rupert safe forever.

I was so bored tonight that I turned over to ABC's Monday Night Football, and for the first time in a long while it was actually an entertaining game. I bring it up here because it gives me a great idea, so listen up ABC execs - we'll call it "The Back." We'll find one of those guys out there who just knows he could rush for a buck fifty and two TD's, and put him in the game. Give him a little training first, and then stick him in there at $10,000 a yard. If it's a hit, maybe we can do sequels with other sports.

2003-10-14T13:22:00.000-04:00

Survivor: The Home Game

CBS just released a home version of Survivor in its online store. Now fans of the show can outwit, outplay and outlast their friends in the comfort of their own homes - and without the risk of contracting malaria.

The board game version of Survivor was a good idea. However, CBS missed out on a key market - internet Survivor geeks. It seems the good-natured fun of backstabbing and screwing people over has been around almost since the show first aired on CBS. There several online indices of games run (or "hosted," as the inventive reality TV buffs call it) by fans of shows like The Mole, The Amazing Race, Big Brother and Survivor. Potential contestants in online versions of these games come to the indices to see who is accepting applications, to log into their favorite games or just to watch an online buddy who's stuck in a virtual Big Brother house.

The "hosts" of these games provide die hard fans with the opportunity to participate in the strategy of their favorite reality game without having to go through the arduous process of a network audition, actual physical pain and the semi-fame that comes with being on TV. A lot of hosts and players are teenagers - avid fans but people who are too young to meet the age requirement of 21 years to participate in a reality television show.

So far, no online host or contestant has been prosecuted for copyright infringement, due to the fact that hosts usually put their own spin on games by changing rules, logos, or simply the name of the game. In addition, hosts don't often make any money off their games, and most of the time give copyright credit where it's due to networks and producers of the real shows. CBS could get in on this market very easily by visiting a site or two, creating their own virtual island and giving their online contestants Survivor-related prizes.

Countless people have played these online versions of reality television shows, and many are "regulars" who can be seen over and over again in each new game. Even I have been evicted from a Big Brother house, and fallen victim to a Tribal Council vote.

2003-10-14T00:06:00.000-04:00

Joe Rogan Best Reality Host?

At least as far as wit and humor go, I think comedian Joe Rogan is the best reality TV host on any show so far. Rogan makes no attempt to hide his absolute hatred for a contestant, or his hope that one wins. This was made blatantly obvious tonight when Rogan spoke with the players. Rogan at one point wished trash-talking contestant and eventual loser Josh Davis luck. When Davis asked if Rogan's good wishes were true, Rogan rolled his eyes and said, "No, I'm just saying that."

Rogan's wit comes from the fact that his "day job" is working as a comedian. Another thing that makes him a good reality host is that even though he may hate a contestant, or the way a contestant runs his mouth, Rogan always comes off as a supportive person. During tonight's disgusting second stunt (typically referred to as the "B" stunt), Rogan was heard screaming at contestants, "Come on! Don't you quit, you're still in this thing!" Though some people may not like the way he "shows favoritism," I enjoy it. However, when one female contestant had her head dipped in cod liver oil, I was a bit surprised to hear him yell, "Don't rest!" Someone should tell Joe that people don't typically stick their heads in a bucket of cod liver oil to take a break.

2003-10-07T12:10:00.000-04:00

A Reality TV Dictionary, Part 1

Many people with whom I have spoken about reality television don't watch it. Due to the fact that they haven't seen any of it, I get a lot of, "I don't know what the **** you're talking about!"

Therefore, I've decided to start a reality TV dictionary for terms that reality TV newcomers may be confused about.

Thanks to Prof. Kaye Trammell, I got Enetation working, so if I've left anything out let me know and I'll give you due credit on the site. Today I'm only going to do A-C, because it's going to take awhile to go through the whole alphabet.

A

Africa: (colloq. n) slang term for the third season of Survivor, which took place in Africa

agents: (n) contestants on The Mole

alliance: (n) a group of reality television contestants who band together to vote off other contestants. An alliance is generally used to keep friends or strong players on a contestant's good side.

ally: 1. (n) a member of an alliance 2. (v) to make oneself a member of an alliance

Amazon: (colloq. n) slang term for the sixth season of Survivor which took place on the Amazon River in Brazil

American Idol: (n) show involving singers hoping to win a recording contract.

B

Barramundi: (n) red-clad merged tribe in Survivor: The Australian Outback

Big Brother: (n) show involving 10 to 13 contestants trapped in a house for about 100 days. Contestants work to vote each other out of the house in American versions. The grand prize is $500,000.

Boran: (n) yellow-clad tribe in Survivor: Africa who played against the Samburu tribe

bribe: (n) present offered to one contestant or a number of contestants by the producers. Bribes are pre-planned and usually either involve offering money to a contestant to quit the game or a free pass to the next round of the game if they anger fellow contestants. Found most frequently in Big Brother and The Mole.

buff: (n) stitch-free garment that can be worn as a skullcap, headband, wristband, tube top or virtually anything else the wearer can imagine. Given to all Survivor contestants as a symbol of the tribe they are a part of.

C

castaway: contestant on Survivor

challenge: (n) competition amongst teams or contestants. The winner usually receives either a free pass to the next round or a prize.

Chuay Gahn: (n) red-clad tribe in Survivor: Thailand whose members were chosen by contestant Jan Gentry. Played against the Sook Jai tribe.

Chuay Jai: (n) gold-clad merged tribe in Survivor: Thailand

coalition: 1. (n) pact made by contestants on The Mole to share information 2. (n) a group of contestants on The Mole who have entered into aforementioned pact

competition: see "challenge"

2003-10-06T11:57:00.000-04:00

More Morgan Miscues, All-Star Survivor

The Morgan tribe could use a bit of Captain Morgan after another hideous performance last week on Survivor: Pearl Islands.

Panama's lovable losers blew two more challenges, bringing the total to five consecutive failures, prompting host Jeff Probst to remind them that they're coming close to an all-time Survivor record, one that may soon be insurmountable.

The Morgan tribe's quitter, Osten, looked to be throwing one challenge but later gave his all to try and keep his group from a third consecutive Tribal Council. He didn't seem to be paddling too hard when Morgan's boat was sinking during the reward challenge, but held on to Darrah for dear life in the immunity contest.

But we should give credit where credit is due - both challenges demanded strength of a winner, and the Drake tribe's Rupert delivered. He managed to almost single-handedly sink the second Morgan boat in the reward challenge, and was a rock in the immunity challenge when required to hold a tribe member by rope-and-pulley for over two hours. The man is an ox, and where strength is concerned the Drake tribe certainly has the upper hand in Rupert.

Not only is Rupert strong, but he seems to have a game plan as well - stay back and let people bicker amongst themselves, and be the team's workhorse. This seems to have made him very popular with viewers. He not only tops CBS's popularity poll, but also the sole survivor pole. If he's not too fatigued from the Pearl Islands (and if he's eligible to compete), Rupert should consider taking part in the Survivor All-Star Edition which is scheduled to begin filming soon. Rumor has it that only competitors from the first four seasons will be eligible, but Mark Burnett is not a stupid man, and he'll most likely change that stipulation if it will bring higher ratings.

I talked to Survivor: Thailand's Jan Gentry a couple weeks back. Unfortunately, past contestants are required to keep the all-star information under wraps. What else did she say, you ask? Well it wouldn't be a tease if I spilled the entire interview.

2003-09-30T13:11:00.000-04:00

Time For the First Annual Joshies!

According to Reuters, ABC will air a reality television awards show later this television season. I figure I know more than ABC about reality TV, as they cancelled all their good reality TV for stuff like "The Bachelor". So I'm beating them to the punch. Regular TV has the Emmys, and Broadway has the Tonys, but I couldn't think of a good name for my awards. Therefore, I'm going to be completely egotistical and welcome you to the first annual Joshy awards (don't worry, there are only three categories and no musical numbers).

Our first category tonight (or whenever you happen to be reading this) is the best show nobody watched. Our nominees are:

Regular, "civilian" versions of ABC's "The Mole"

ABC's "The Family"

ESPN's "Beg, Borrow and Deal 2"

And our winner is..."The Mole"! Despite an amazingly entertaining concept, brilliant players and a great host in Anderson Cooper, low ratings led to the cancellation of this show's third season.

Our next award is "Reality Contestant who Won't Ever Have Another Date." Our nominees are:

Survivor: Australian Outback's Jerri Manthey

Evan Marriot, TV's "Joe Millionaire"

Anyone from any cast of Fox's "Temptation Island"

It's a tie! You'd have to be smoking crack to date any of our nominees! Jerri was just plain mean, Evan is a liar, and there's something morally wrong with any "Temptation Island" cast member.

Our final award is best network for reality TV. The nominees are:

And the winner is...CBS! They have Survivor, The Amazing Race and Big Brother to their credit - three good shows that haven't gone down the tubes yet. CBS is by far the best network for reality TV shows.

Our winners receive nothing in the way of a trophy, but there's still pride, right? They may however like to donate to my awards show, in which case they will still receive nothing.

2003-09-29T22:07:00.000-04:00

Viva Las Vegas, Survivor v. Gilligan's Island

NBC's Fear Factor went back to Vegas for the second and third episodes of this season, making the stakes even higher than last season's trip. This time, in addition to a prize possibly in excess of the normal $50,000 one of the final three contestants will win a brand new car. All they have to do is eat several large African Cave-dwelling Spiders and hope a roulette wheel is on their side.

The Mandalay Bay resort and casino was used again this season, but this time the roof was the main stage. Contestants had to crawl out on a small metal bar hanging over 400 feet in the air and release flags in order to pass the first stunt. The final flag was to be velcroed to a flagpole. The two eliminated contestants dropped the final flag in their haste, losing their chances at the prize.

The Morgan tribe of Survivor: Pearl Islands may have made the biggest mistake of the game. They voted off Ryan S. Despite the fact that strongman Osten begged to go, Ryan was deemed the weakest link of the tribe.

Voting off Ryan over Osten is like the Gilligan's Island castaways having to eat someone. Imagine if the Professor refused to make stuff like coconut radios. Gilligan may be more stupid than the Professor, but he's still helping the group. You wouldn't eat Gilligan, would you? No, you'd probably sacrifice the Professor. Ryan may have been weaker than Osten, but he had more heart. I personally think the Morgan's tribe Minnow is lost.

2003-09-23T12:48:00.000-04:00

A Million Dollars to Eat Tongue

Last night, NBC's Fear Factor gave away one million dollars for the first time in the show's history. The show was double the usual length and required players to complete five stunts rather than three - not too much work for 20 times the normal prize.

Million dollar winner Durant Fowler completed perhaps the most disgusting stunt ever. He was required to bob for cow tongue in a tank full of raw ostrich egg, eat one of the huge tongues he pulled from the egg tank, and then chow down on five live leeches. He barely managed the stunt without vomiting.

Most shows we categorize as "reality" consist of challenges that only rarely present themselves in an actual living environment. For example, the only people willing to live in a house with 12 strangers other than Big Brother contestants are likely in a cult, and nobody's going to live on an island with no supplies for 39 days unless they are on either on Survivor or they are actually shipwrecked. So what makes Fear Factor reality? Personally, I've never seen anyone for any reason eat five live leeches, nor have I heard of such a feat. Even stranded army rangers have the good sense to choose crickets or beetles. Perhaps Fear Factor is reality in the fact that Americans really are stupid enough to eat leeches in order to be on TV and win money.

2003-09-22T15:36:00.000-04:00

Burnett's Pirate Adventure Begins, de Mol's Indoor Adventure Ends

The wait is over Survivor freaks! The Pearl Islands adventure began last Thursday with perhaps the nastiest sendoff Mark Burnett could think of. Thinking they were headed to a publicity shoot, contestants were dressed mostly in nice suits and dresses when they were tossed overboard with only the clothes on their backs and 100 Balboas (the Panamanian equivalent of a dollar) per tribe. They were allowed to shop for goods at a small local village with the money they received or by bartering, using their clothes and shoes. Several of the men chose the latter option, including one who ended up left with only underpants.

This season the tribes are named after infamous pirates in Panamanian history. The blue-clad Drake tribe is named after Sir Francis Drake, while the orange-clad Morgan tribe takes its name from Henry Morgan.

The first episode introduced us to the participants, as well as a couple of things Survivor fans have hungered for since the Amazon series. First and foremost, of course, was the new "overboard" twist. Secondly, an awesome pirate-style remix of the classic Survivor music. Finally, every Survivor fan drools over the first look at a new immunity idol. This year's model is a broad axe with a skull on top - very cool.

As many Survivor fans and speculators know, tossing the contestants overboard won't be the first bit of adversity in the game. As host Jeff Probst said in the open, "this game is full of surprises." One speculation is that a third tribe will be formed from eliminated castaways. I myself am a believer in this speculation. It would be very interesting to see a bit of revenge from eliminated players, but I'm not sure how this would work.

One interesting bit I saw in the opening of the show during the music - six of the 16 castaways' photos were in color, and 10 were in black and white with a skull and crossbones and a fire in the background. Foreshadowing perhaps? We'll know soon enough. In case you didn't catch it, the color pictures were Burton, Michelle, Sandra, Rupert, Darrah and Tijuana. It could be a clue, as already-eliminated Nicole of the Morgan tribe was in black and white.

As Pearl Islands begins, CBS's Big Brother 4 comes to an end. Jun and Alison, the two most conniving women in the house, are the two finalists for the half-million-dollar prize. Robert, the final evicted houseguests, may have cut his throat after admitting to Jun and Alison that he referred to them as "bitches, whores and sluts." Note to Jun and Alison: he's not the only one who thought so! As a matter of fact, kudos to Robert for saying what America was thinking.

The Big Brother 4 finale airs this Wednesday. One question I'd like the jury to ask Alison is, "If you're so in love with your boyfriend Donny, who you can't shut up about, why'd you French half the guys in the house?"

To anyone actually reading this, as soon as I figure out Enetation, I'll have it up and running so you can tell me how wrong I am. Meantime, someone else has gotten in touch with me. She says that I used profanity in calling Meredith Viera a "media whore" and in calling Anthony from The Family a "jackass." She also says I tell what already happened too much in reporting reality TV news. To that person, I promise next time to look in my crystal ball, and then to make sure to censor myself like any good little whipped-pig columnist.

2003-09-16T02:51:00.000-04:00

What I'd Like to See in Reality TV

Today's post is going to be a bit different. I was going to write a nice summary of ESPN's newest reality venture, The Wild Rules, but I haven't watched the tape of it yet and it's almost 2 a.m. here on the right coast. So instead, I'm going to do an opinion piece on "celebrity" versions of your favorite reality competition shows. So sit back, relax, and get ready to reply with some hateful comments as soon as I hit up Entenation.

As you know if you've clicked my links in previous posts, Celebrity Mole Yucatan will be starting sometime later this year. It will feature such D-List celebrities as comedian Mark Curry and former anorexia survivor and "Growing Pains" star Tracy Gold, along with one B-List celeb, former NBA rebound king and world-renowned freak Dennis Rodman. This will be the second edition of Celebrity Mole. The first was aired last year on ABC. It took place in Hawai'i and was won by Kathy Griffin. Now if you ask me, a primetime television show should be attracting bigger stars than does your average episode of Hollywood Squares. So I've put together a little list of ideal celebrity contestants for my favorite reality TV shows.

Let's start with Survivor, because it's been rumored over the past few years that producer Mark Burnett has wanted to do a celebrity edition (another rumor was that Kobe Bryant was a possible contestant...guess that's out the window).

Celebrity Survivor Tribe 1 would consist of:

Former NBA center Hakeem Olajuwon. He used to fast in the middle of the season, if I remember correctly.
Sharon Osbourne. Survivor can't be any freakier than living with Ozzy.
"Croc Hunter" Steve Irwin. He seems to be a natural outdoorsman, and his accent is cool.
Meredith Viera. This media whore already destroyed any journalistic respect by hosting Millionaire, so why not do Survivor?
Drew Carey. He's a huge fan of the show, even writing in to TV Guide about it. Plus, he could stand to lose some pounds.
"The Practice" star Camryn Manheim. She seems like a really tough woman, a natural for this kind of competition.
Steven Baldwin. This guy has to win everything. He blew through Fear Factor, and came back to do Celebrity Mole Yucatan after losing the Hawai'i version. Plus, what's he got better to do?
Kate Hudson. Another huge Survivor fan who tried out for Survivor: Africa, but was turned away because of her fame.

Celebrity Survivor Tribe 2 would consist of:

Jeff Corwin. Another outdoorsy-type, this animal expert would be right at home outdoors.
Keisha Knight-Pullam. Also competitive, also won Fear Factor and competed on Celebrity Mole Yucatan.
Richard Simmons. Every Survivor needs an annoying person.
WNBA star Lisa Leslie. Maybe if she did Survivor she could get more crappy shoe commercials.
LL Cool J. We need at least one celebrity who doesn't go by a given name.
USA Women's Ice Hockey Olympic gold medalist Cammi Granato. After Survivor, we can just call her "Celebrity Survivor Cammi Granato."
Adam West. Who better to have with you than Batman? Plus, he can be the token older guy.
Beyonce Knowles. She sang a song with Destiny's Child about being able to survive. Time to back it up.

While we're at it, why not go ahead and do Celebrity Amazing Race? I'm sure we can think of at least 11 teams:

Team 1 - Former "Man Show" hosts Adam Carolla and Jimmy Kimmel.
Team 2 - Conan O'Brien and former sidekick Andy Richter. Maybe the world travel can bring them back together.
Team 3 - Jennifer Lopez and P. Diddy. Now that Ben Affleck is out of the picture, J. Lo needs another third husband. Don't let him go this time!
Team 4 - Ben Affleck and Matt Damon. Time for Ben to show Jenny From the Block what she's missing.
Team 5 - The Olson Twins. They should probably do something to save their piddling careers before they plummet into the depths of porno.
Team 6 - Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones and coach Bill Parcells. They should go on the show as a team building retreat before Jones gets enraged and fires Parcells.
Team 7 - Anna Nicole Smith and Madonna. Because it would be hilarious watching Smith waddle around the world, and even funnier watching Madonna try and talk to someone without talking down to them.
Team 8 - ESPN personalities Dan Patrick and Kenny Mayne. I'd just like to see the both of them try and run. They like to talk about people competing, yet I've never really seen either of them do it.
Team 9 - John and Patrick McEnroe. I can see it now. "You can't be serious! [throws travel bag] We were RIGHT ON THE MAT!"
Team 10 - Justin Timberlake and Nelly. They make a fairly decent musical collaboration, maybe a good team as well.
Team 11 - George Bush Sr. and George W. Bush. They should win the prize for even making it out of another country alive.

2003-09-14T20:47:00.000-04:00

Endings, Beginnings, and Casting Calls

ABC's The Family ended this Wednesday with a bit of an anti-climactic final game. Family jackass Anthony, son of Uncle Michael and Aunt Donna, was voted back into the game to take on the Board of Trustees's pick, Cousin Mike. The battle to control the "family fortune" was broken up into two parts. The first part was a triathlon of sorts where the two contestants were required to first name and then eat three of five foods presented to them as delicacies. If they couldn't name three, they would have to eat all five, including pate de fois gras (a French delicacy also known as liver paste). Next in the triathlon was an event where each contestant had to dive to the bottom of a swimming pool to pick up cards with names on them. They had to use those cards to put together the names of their staff in the mansion. Though the family had been around the staff almost 24 hours a day, both contestants had trouble remembering first and last names. The final triathlon event was a test of who knew more about the competition. Mike and Anthony had to answer true/false questions about each other. Though the triathlon was close, Mike won that part of the competition. The game that ultimately decided the winner, though, was extremely poorly thought out in contrast with the rest of the show's competitions. Anthony got to open three safes, one containing the grand prize. Cousin Mike then got to ask Anthony two questions to determine where the money was, though Anthony was allowed to lie in his answers. In the end, Anthony won the game, though he was extremely undeserving. Anthony may have redeemed himself a bit though when he decided to split the million dollars evenly among all ten contestants.

Another good reality game, CBS's Big Brother 4, ends Sept. 24. Last Wednesday's episode saw Erika voted out of the house after Alison used the Power of Veto to get herself off the proverbial chopping block. This left Robert, Jun and Alison to fight for the final Head of Household competition, and a guaranteed $50,000. The new Head of Household, who will have the power to choose the two Big Brother 4 finalists, will be revealed this Tuesday on CBS at 8 p.m. EDT.

Speaking of Big Brother, fans of the show should know that casting has begun for Big Brother 5. In addition, CBS is also looking for teams of two for the fifth installment of The Amazing Race. Applicants must be 21 years old and also must be U.S. citizens. Amazing Race 5 is scheduled to begin filming in January according to CBS, and potential racers should be willing to spend 30 to 40 days away from home. Big Brother 5 will film during the summer of 2004, and potential houseguests should be willing to spend up to 100 days in the house, and to "expect the unexpected."

Finally, Survivor junkies will be able to get their fix again this Thursday when "Survivor: Pearl Islands" begins. The 16 castaways will be living on islands off the coast of Panama in the series's seventh installment. This time they'll be thrown overboard to begin the pirate-themed Pearl Islands edition with no supplies but the clothes on their backs. In addition to this shocker, the Drake and Morgan tribes will supposedly face another huge twist on the series's famous format. Within the coming days, this weblog will feature opinions on possible twists, and also look back on some plot twists in past Survivor series.

2003-09-08T16:15:00.000-04:00

Great Midseason Show Ends This Wednesday

For those of you looking for something to watch at 10 p.m. eastern this Wednesday, you might want to check out the season (and unfortunately, very likely series) finale of ABC's offering The Family. The show centers around ten members of an Italian-American family from the New York/New Jersey area flown down to West Palm Beach, FL to live the high life. During their stay, they fight against each other to win a million-dollar "family fortune". Family members were eliminated from competition one-by-one by a "secret board of trustees," who were actually members of their staff during the family's stay in a luxurious mansion. It's anyone's guess why the show didn't become more popular. Not only does watching a family fight amongst itself provide excellent competition, but ABC chose a family whose members, for the most part, enjoy bickering at each other even when they aren't competing. Because the eliminated players got to stay in the house and whine about why they were no longer in the game, the entire series was hilarious. Wednesday's finale episode will see Cousin Mike, the Board of Trustees's choice to win the money (and the most distant relative in the game, thus making him a huge target), go against a previously eliminated family member voted back into the game. The winner of the final competition will take the grand prize. The Family was introduced to viewers in March, but pulled and re-aired this summer. Other summer shows ending soon are NBC's For Love or Money 2, a lame excuse for entertainment ending tonight, and Fox's sleaze-fest Paradise Hotel, slated to end within the next month, barring another pathetic plot twist.

2003-09-06T02:19:00.000-04:00

Welcome

Welcome to Outtype, Outwatch, Outblog-A Reality TV Weblog. This is the place to be if you're a reality TV fanatic, or you just want to know if two women REALLY took their clothes off for peanut butter and chocolate in the Amazon (in case you've been living under a rock, they really did). This weblog will cover all reality TV shows, but for the most part it will focus on what many consider to be the "big four" reality shows-Survivor, The Amazing Race, Big Brother, and The Mole. This weblog will feature both reality news and opinion, and regular readers will be welcome to voice their own opinions. This is not, however, a "spoiler site". I have neither the time nor the money to go hunt down filming locations, and my journalistic integrity prohibits me from publishing anything without reliable sources. You can find a nice Survivor spoiler site here that also links to spoilers for other shows, if you're into those sites. There won't be any news reported on this site before it's confirmed, but it should still be fun to follow and will contain plenty of compelling stories. I hope you all enjoy Outtype, Outwatch, Outblog!